Autonomous Dominion & Comfort — (Part 1)
Autonomous Dominion & Comfort:
Two optimal male emotional states that women respond to and embrace
When you’re talking to a girl—be it during an approach, mid-set, an instant date, a regular date, etc.—and she senses that you are in control of your emotions, sexual impulses, body and sense of self, then she is more likely to “comply” with your suggestions (go with wherever you suggest your interaction should in fact go [i.e. moving the date to a new location, escalating emotionally or physically, etc.]).
There are many reasons for this—but one of them has to do with what I call autonomous dominion.
Autonomous dominion has to do with having full control, or dominion, over your own emotions, impulses, sense of self, and self-perception. Indeed, others aren’t dictating the way you feel about yourself, or how you feel about your environment, nor are they dictating your actions—instead, you are.
Indeed, as a rule, optimally speaking, women are most likely to comply with a man that has autonomous dominion, which requires having full control of oneself, and, simultaneously possessing full freedom to act on one’s intentions. This combination of having full control while simultaneously being free to act on what he wants to do, indicates to the woman that he is confident, of high social status, emotionally, socially and sexually expressive, courageous, centered, experienced and therefore, in all likelihood, trustworthy. These qualities are all keystones to a male prompting female attraction and arousal.
This combination of full control and full freedom to act on one’s intentions communicates confidence because acting on one’s intentions while remaining in control, communicates a strong belief in oneself to act and furthermore execute, even though doing so requires pushing against social pressure or not feeling a social pressure that many do. Moreover, this combination also communicates courage, because not only are you potentially pushing against social pressure, but you are also acting despite knowing there is uncertainty, or, no guarantees in any form of action taken in a cold approach—and furthermore, that unintended and undesired consequences could always arise (e.g. boldly attempting to physically escalate and getting rejected and never hearing from her again (versus taking it slow), others chastising you etc.). The exhibition of this combination also communicates high status because for one to act on an approach or escalation communicates a man’s relatively high sense of self-worth when relating to his peers. Furthermore, physically escalating (rather than physically taking it slow), sub-communicates that a man has sexual options because of his willingness to quickly lose the girl (rather than slow-pace it in order to potentially delay that outcome).
[Note: A man’s sense of status may exist for a variety of reasons—it can be because others have given him positive reinforcement, both socially and sexually, throughout his life; it can also be that he simply believes, be it through self-teaching or visceral conviction, in his self-worth, regardless of his current circumstance.]
The qualities of autonomous dominion also communicate that a man has a high degree of emotional and sexual expressiveness. Indeed, a man with autonomous dominion doesn’t simply express himself; rather, he keenly expresses himself. Without a doubt, being keenly expressive, in which you are able to considerably communicate how you feel about something or someone, requires not only the ability to simply communicatively release your emotional and sexual desires towards others, but to do it in a manner in which you are able to be deliberate in how you communicate it so that it is properly understood. Indeed, this is rather a high form of expressiveness, in which one is able to fully release his desires towards someone, but in a manner in which he is in control, and furthermore able to do it in a measured, precise and clear manner. In other words, a highly expressive man is able to express his emotional and sexual desires towards someone with “touch”.
Think of the difference between a basketball player that has shooting touch and one that has no touch at all. The player with shooting touch is calm. He is focused, and deliberate with the way the ball rolls off his fingers—indeed, he lets it roll gently off his fingers, and even ensures the last finger to touch the ball is his index finger (this is the proper finger to finish with upon a shot release). He is deliberate with the position of his elbow so that he is implementing the best form for a high percentage jump shot. His hips are squared towards the basket. He is also controlled and precise in how much force he puts behind the ball (so as not to exert too much power and clank it off the rim). Indeed, he puts just enough touch on it so that the ball can essentially fall into the basket. Despite it seeming that the only goal is to get the ball in the basket, the ability to truly do so requires tremendous focus, body control, emotional control, self-awareness, and a certain kind of communication between him, the ball and the hoop. To be sure, he needs to work in harmony with his body, his emotions, the ball and the hoop in order to score.
A player without shooting touch, however, is less conscious of these things. He lacks as much control of his body, and pays less attention to the force he exerts onto the ball in relation to the hoop; he is often not squared up properly, nor is he as calm or confident in what he is doing compared to the player with shooting touch. He isn’t as focused on the process (form, self-control, focus) of getting the ball in, as much as simply trying to throw the ball into the hoop and getting it over with. It almost seems that he is rushing to throw the ball in the hoop, and doesn’t even think he will make it in the first place. He lacks the deliberateness, emotional and bodily control, as well as the communication and harmony between him, the ball and the hoop, that the player with shooting touch—and thus the player with the higher shooting percentage—possesses.
Indeed, in this example, the player with shooting touch has more autonomous dominion within this particular skillset.
As mentioned, all of these qualities regarding autonomous dominion are rooted in a man’s ability to remain in control and be centered, while simultaneously being free to act on his intentions—regardless of the circumstance he finds himself in, or the action he takes.
A man who is able to remain in control and simultaneously be free to act, despite escalations in an interaction or in the environment, communicates to a woman that he deeply trusts himself and his ability to handle the current circumstance he finds himself in. Furthermore, the man’s deep personal trust allows her to have a strong trust in him as well, and therefore have trust in her dynamic with him. She feels more comfortable and safe, and is therefore able to let her emotional and sexual guard down when with the man.
The particular exhibition of a man being in control of himself (emotions, impulses, self-esteem), and being free to act, regardless of the circumstance, surfaces in a number of social scenarios, such as a physical escalation towards a woman, a woman testing the man for consistency and congruence, a disagreement or confrontation with others (be it male or female), an unexpected turn of events, etc.
For example, during a physical escalation towards a woman, a man without autonomous dominion can lose control of himself through sexual excitement, and therefore act herky-jerky in his physical and verbal advances towards her. Because of this, he may start rushing to take things to the next sexual step, for he fears that his nervousness will catch up with him and fully overtake his body language and behaviors. These nervous behaviors, he fears, will then be communicated to the woman, which will subsequently cause her to lose sexual interest in him.
[Note: It is similar to the basketball player without shooting touch—rushing to get the ball into the hoop due to a lack of confidence in himself to remain calm and follow the shooting process, which would actually allow him to properly execute the shot and increase his chances for making the basket.]
In other words, the man starts rushing the interaction because he senses he is losing control of himself. He doesn’t want to miss his opportunity for sex, so he hurries the escalation between the two of them in order hopefully attain it prior to him acting excessively nervous (which he fears will turn the woman off). He is attempting to bypass being exposed of the fact that he is losing confidence (and consequently, control of himself).
[Note: Rather than rushing things during an escalation, a man might conversely feel immobilized due to his nervousness, and act excessively awkward—indeed, lacking autonomous dominion can cause a person to act a number of different ways, and I am providing just one example.]
Almost always, however, these efforts generate the opposite results of those that were desired. While it may not be obvious to the man, it is quite obvious to the girl, and even others who may be observing it, that, while he is attempting to escalate, he is also attempting to hide how he feels about himself. Indeed, this attempt to hide his feelings is actually communicated by him in his face and body language (such as avoiding necessary eye contact during specific moments of escalation [e.g. when taking the girl’s number down, changing locations with her, or, in a physical escalation, when it feels you should lock eyes but don’t because of nervousness]) when rushing the girl.
So why do these actions and these indicators produce negative results?
There are generally two reasons for this:
One, because it is a clear indicator of the man’s lack of confidence, comfort and also trust in himself, in which his self-perception is not aligned with what he is going for (i.e. the girl—be it sex, a date, etc.). This sub-communicates low social status and sexual value.
And two, because, from the woman’s perspective, it is clearly a selfish and dishonest act, in which the man is attempting to hide from the woman who he really is/how he really feels about himself at this juncture in his life. Moreover, he is hiding who he is so that he can acquire sex from her (because showing who he actually is might cause her to not want to have sex with him). This communicates that he is trying to take value from the girl without expecting to provide much, if any, in return.
Usually, the woman will sense this dishonest front, and also the man’s insecurity and lack of trust in himself. This will in turn cause her to lose trust in him, and furthermore lose trust in the authenticity of the intimate interaction that was taking place between the two of them (prior to his uneasiness). Assuming the man is a normal guy that was simply trying to increase his chances for sex, she will usually not think he is sinister, but rather someone that is not sexually and socially confident, and perhaps slightly conniving. As mentioned, she will also see the man as someone of a lower social status than he originally presented himself to be. She will therefore deduce he is being incongruent (presenting a misalignment in one’s feelings, words and behavior) and will therefore feel less secure in trusting him with her openness (be it emotional or sexual openness). She may also lose comfort in being isolated with him because enough dishonesty has been exposed that she questions trusting him (even if he’s in reality a safe guy to be around). She will furthermore lose comfort in being as sexually upfront with him, and therefore retract into a behavior that a man of lower status or confidence might be used to receiving from a woman (less sexual, less compliant).
A man with autonomous dominion, on the other hand, remains calm, yet assertive and full of intention during a physical escalation. He confidently, calmly and seductively escalates towards the girl on the physical level, maintaining composure throughout. As he moves up the girl’s shirt, for example, his breath, eyes and hands are steady. There is no wavering—only calmness and a steady breath (regardless of the speed). He has been here before—and even if he hasn’t, he trusts himself enough to stay cool. He possesses an autonomous dominion over his emotions, sexual impulses and sense of self.
[Note: I am describing an optimal male state—obviously men have gotten laid without possessing full autonomous dominion.]
Almost needless to say, one cannot fake these behaviors so as to execute them in real time. Instead, they must be cultivated in a holistic manner, through emotional, sexual and social development. The best ways to go about this development are manifold. I plan to go into depth with these practices in part two of this piece—but I will briefly list some habits to cultivate below:
Four major building blocks to cultivating autonomous dominion are meditation, yoga, bioenergetics exercises and practicing game.
Meditation is the practice of breathing—and by consistently practicing it, you learn to steadily breathe (i.e. stay calm and steady) regardless of your circumstance. In other words, the steady breath you cultivate each day you meditate transitions into everyday life—and thus into everyday interactions with women (and men).
Yoga is the practice of stretching while breathing, in which you move your body into unusual, challenging poses and attempt to simultaneously keep your breath steady.
This allows you to be in more control of your body and breath more effectively.
Furthermore, when practiced consistently, yoga leads to tremendous relaxation. This relaxation, and the ability to synchronize your breath to your with your body’s state, also transitions into everyday life, helping you in the ability to adjust and keep your center in a variety of scenarios(social, emotional and sexual scenarios).
Along with being more in control of one’s body, a man is also more in touch with his sexuality (assuming he practices it consistently). This is because his body is not tense and coiled up, but rather open and relaxed, in which his breath and blood are flowing more effortlessly. This fluidity of breath and blood is highly related to being aroused, intimate and sexual.
Without a doubt, when practiced consistently, the core benefits of yoga transition into everyday life, and furthermore help tremendously with game, which has much to do with emotions, sexuality, openness, calmness or centeredness, and body control.
Being open and relaxed, furthermore, causes you to embrace your surroundings (people, opportunities, relationships, emotional and sexual connections) rather than resist them. When one is tense in his body, he is more closed off and also viscerally protective when others try to get close or be friendly. Tenseness is often related to fear—and fear can generate unprovoked confrontations, or even incorrectly perceived provocations for confrontations. Indeed, tenseness can also cause one to bypass opportunities to connect with an individual—be it sexually, emotionally or professionally.
Bioenergetic exercises entail using breathing and physical exercises to help to increase calmness and centeredness, relieve tension and increase emotional expressiveness.
To be sure, it helps tremendously in these areas and allows one to feel more centered and simultaneously less weighted down by his emotional anchors. This translates amazingly in game—where calmness, expression and a freedom to act are so necessary for a consistent motivation to act and also succeed.
Lastly, there is the practice of game itself. To truly become skilled at meeting women, you must indeed consistently practice interacting with them on the social, emotional and sexual level. There are no short cuts to being highly skilled in this area. You must determine your goals in regards to meeting, dating and having sex with women, and then execute what would likely be necessary to reach that skill level on a consistent basis. In all likelihood, it will take more work than you anticipate, and so you must truly push yourself.
While it takes a lot of work, and is an incremental process, the rewards of improving in this area are tremendous, whether you experience greater social, emotional, or sexual growth. Moreover, the more work you put into what you what you want to improve upon in game, the more you will incrementally, though also notably, progress.
Furthermore, all of the other exercises recommended (meditation, yoga, bioenergetics) must be accompanying the consistent and diligent practice of game.
As an example, consider a highly skilled professional basketball player at the top of his game.
Sure, in order to optimize his skill set, he must be in shape. Indeed, he must be in the weight room, doing cardio and eating healthy.
However, if he is not actually practicing basketball and all of its facets (dribbling, shooting, free throws, offensive and defensive strategy, team play and film study), then being healthy and in shape will be relatively meaningless once he steps on the court against his competitors.
He needs to be honing his craft or he will be left in the dust—getting outplayed and perhaps, consequently, losing his job.
While having great exercising habits greatly assists him in fully optimizing his ability to perform, they nevertheless stand alone if he is not diligently improving his basketball skills.
This is the same for cold approach pickup.
While meditation, yoga and bioenergetics can help you greatly in game (and should be practiced whether you’re interested in game or not), they mean nothing in relation to meeting, dating and having sex with women, and moreover having autonomous dominion, if you do not consistently and diligently practice talking to, and emotionally and sexually connecting with women.
So that's part 1 - feel free to comment with any questions or insights, and stay tuned for part 2 -