Autonomous Dominion & Comfort — (Part 2)
Autonomous Dominion & Comfort:
Two optimal male emotional states that women respond to and embrace
When you’re talking to a girl—be it during an approach, an instant date, a regular date, etc.—and she senses that you are comfortable doing whatever it is that you’re doing—meaning that you are feeling good, acting without seeking approval, centered, and generating good emotions from within yourself—then she is more likely to comply, or go ahead with wherever you suggest your interaction should go (e.g. move the date to a new location, escalate emotionally or physically, etc.).
I call this type of comfort, autonomous comfort.
With autonomous comfort, you are not relying on the girl’s reactions, or leaching and/or leaning onto her “presence” in order to feel comfortable inside. Rather, you are feeling good based on the emotions that already exist within you. Autonomous comfort, furthermore, also requires that you are not relying on anyone else’s presence or reactions for your own comfort. These good emotions, furthermore, engender from the lifestyle you have and the people you incorporate into your life.
So how does one describe this abstract concept and, furthermore, internal feeling of autonomous comfort?
A good way to think about what autonomous comfort isn’t, is like this:
Think about when you were a kid—and a thought, fear or circumstance scared you. Often times, you would turn to your mom or dad for comfort.
This is obviously natural and to be expected.
You were feeling uncomfortable with something that had surfaced in your reality, and were not sure how to handle it. You lacked a sense of security, and instinctually sought out your parents.
You might’ve run to them and grabbed their leg crying—or if it wasn’t as intense a situation, you might’ve just moved yourself closer to them so that you could feel a sense of comfort and security.
This is what someone without autonomous comfort does when in a set.
Yep, funny enough, if you don’t feel comfortable inside while you’re interacting with a girl, and you don’t know what to do next—or in other words don’t feel certain of yourself—you might actually instinctually lean onto her for a sense of comfort, like you used to do with your parents.
Behaviorally, this manifests in a number of ways (both internally and externally).
Externally, you might be looking at her with timidity, and wait on her to make a move, instead of acting on your own. You might, on the other hand, take independent action, but then look to her reaction for approval over what you did. You also might start mirroring her gestures.
Internally, the reason you are usually doing these things is for a greater sense of ease and, even warmth—since you are (subjectively) in an uncomfortable interaction, and are essentially looking to soothe your discomfort.
All of these behaviors are major turn-offs for women, and here’s why:
Most women (specifically more feminine women) look for specific qualities in men. Among many, they are looking for a man that is independent, decisive and self-reliant (emotionally [has a lifestyle and social web that provides him good emotions], economically [can gather his own resources] and sexually [has sexual options]). In fact, ideally, most women want a man to be so self-reliant, that others (beyond her), can rely on him when they are feeling uncertain themselves.
If a man embodies these qualities, and they are behaviorally communicated to the woman in a congruent manner, then it triggers her attraction.
[Note: A women doesn’t need to know you are emotionally stable, have sexual options, or are economically independent in order to be attracted to you—rather she becomes attracted to you if your behaviors communicate a likelihood of this. If you have skills with women, or are in a social “zone”, in which you are “on”, then you can communicate these qualities to her, even if you don’t actually possess them. The best way, however, to have consistent success with women, while simultaneously having a stable life, is to actually cultivate and embody these qualities.]
The emotional and practical reason that (feminine) women desire these qualities in a man is because they want a sense of security. Women like to have a self-reliant man that they can lean on when they themselves are not feeling certain. Even if she sees her interaction with you as a short-term relationship, or a one-night stand, she wants to at least know you possess these necessary qualities. This is because, biologically, sex is for reproduction. And so it follows that she instinctually and unconsciously wants to make sure you would pass quality genes onto her offspring—if by chance she were to get pregnant. These qualities that she screens for, moreover, communicate healthy, robust DNA.
Thus, it is extremely unattractive when a man begins relying on the woman for security and warmth. Sexually speaking, it disrupts the polarity between her and the man (polarity generates sexual tension and therefore attraction).
So when she is in an interaction with you that you in fact initiated (in which desire for sex is implicated), then she wants to gauge who you are as a man (a man as defined above).
When you start displaying behavioral cues of uncertainty, discomfort in your environment, and a reliance on others’ reactions to know how to behave—then she is going lose attraction, and therefore become incompliant and uninterested.
In contrast, if you are in an interaction with her and you feel good inside, know what to do next, and move by your own rhythm—she is going to see behaviors that indicate certainty, confidence, self-reliance, among other positive attributes (which she instinctually interprets as a man that is emotionally, economically and sexually self-reliant).
In other words, she will see someone that is autonomously comfortable.
So how do you, practically speaking, become autonomously comfortable and furthermore possess autonomous dominion?
I went over some important habits to incorporate in part one of this blog–but here are some more that I’d highly suggest you integrate into your life—
There are many ways to reach this comfort level on a consistent basis.
First and foremost, you have to go out and approach women. You have to learn how to have fun, talk to them, become attracted to them, and generate attraction between the two of you. This comes through consistent practice, and making a concerted effort to interact, arouse, and connect with women. Furthermore, it requires a concerted intent to open up both emotionally and sexually so that you can become aroused and connect with women. Eventually, when you become successful with women, these qualities start to become unconsciously communicated by you.
There is no shortcut to becoming great on the social, emotional, and sexual level of communication with women—you simply need to practice (with good intentions and the understanding that you’re talking to another person) and learn from how they respond to you.
Becoming great with women on the social, emotional and sexual level is also intertwined with lifestyle.
Indeed, you must develop a life for yourself. If you are of age, this starts with becoming economically independent and therefore having the ability to make choices for yourself.
Do you have your own money to go to the club? To live on your own? To travel?
If not, then you’re not economically independent.
Being economically independent is not even about the girl—it’s about interacting with your world from a place of leverage. This means that instead of the world dictating your direction, and over-impressing itself onto you, you have the freedom to go where you want, and do what you want when those desires require money.
Making money, interestingly, is about more than only doing what you want when things require money—it also gives you more confidence to act in non-financial circumstances. This is because generating your own income makes you grounded.
When you are grounded, you are less reactive and less fearful. Furthermore, you are more decisive. You are more trusting of yourself. And you are more autonomously comfortable. Being grounded is great for all areas of life, and especially great for interacting with women.
Being grounded also means you are more present in your body and less jumpy. So, when you are talking to a girl, this translates to being more focused on her, and less concerned with those around you. Your behaviors thus indicate certainty, self-reliance, and greater dominance over yourself (autonomous dominion). All of these things are attractive to a woman.
Why does generating money make you grounded?
It makes you grounded because it requires effort, and forces you to operate intimately with the realities of your society (you must figure out how to make money in order to survive). This undeniable pressure to get out of the clouds, and truly figure out how to make a living, in turn makes you very grounded (think of being mentally and physically out of the clouds and onto the earth). It makes you centered.
Interestingly, and I do not think coincidentally, women are extremely attracted to a man that is centered and grounded.
I don’t have scientific evidence to back this up, but based on experience and observation, I believe that biologically, men need to be accruing resources in order to feel more grounded and energetic. I think being grounded and simultaneously energetic indicates masculinity to others. And, because (masculine leaning) men naturally find confidence in feeling masculine, I think the pressure for a man to make a living is not simply societally induced, but biologically induced as well.
[Note: For those well versed in gender studies—this belief also presupposes that masculinity is more naturally common in men rather than women, which I undoubtedly believe to be true.]
So, if one accepts this, along with the other positions in this article, then it makes sense, on many levels, that feminine women would be attracted to behaviors that partly engender from the action of accruing resources.
Third, as mentioned in the part one, you should make a concerted effort to meditate, exercise and do yoga. All of these habits make you calmer, feel better, and also more “within” your body (grounded). In other words, you feel more in control of your body—which is very important for communication, feeling good inside, being emotionally and sexually direct, and having overall autonomous dominion too.
It sounds funny, but breathing steadily is a massive component to doing well with women. It means you are calm—and when you are calm you’re making solid decisions.
Meditation, exercise and yoga all directly lead to better, healthier breathing.
Just like consistently practicing your jump shot in basketball increases your chances of playing well in a game, so does practicing breathing in order to relax, in which your relaxed breathing is then transferred over to your interactions with women and others that you approach or encounter.
Cardio and lifting weights also gets your blood rushing, your testosterone up, takes you “out of your head” (less possessed by your rampant thoughts and concerns) and into your body. Having healthy blood flow and testosterone levels translates into being more aroused by women, more alert when engaging them, and furthermore being better at sex.
Fourth, develop a healthy diet. It’s essential for focus, having a healthy sex drive, and having the overall energy and focus to develop your life and engage women.
Fifth, you must develop hobbies and passions. This makes you feel emotionally fulfilled, and therefore less reliant on others to feel good (less needy—neediness is extremely unattractive to women, and truly all healthy people).
Sixth, you should develop a social circle, and work on being positive around others. Having friends and being positive makes you, and those around you, feel good. Being positive also creates a reciprocal exchange, and a feeling of being in a “win-win” relationship. Healthy people (the people you should try to associate with) want to be involved in win-win relationships, in which everyone is benefitting from their involvement.
And seventh, and this is important—gauge your intentions. As mentioned in part one of The Path to Attractive Communications, when you know your intentions are good, you are more decisive and certain with your actions—you are more trusting of yourself. There’s no internal doubt about what you’re doing. This applies to escalating with a woman, but also just engaging people in general.
So that’s the long and short of it. I’ll have more on feeling comfortable with women in the future. If you have any questions, then comment below and I’ll make sure to answer them.