The In-Between: The Grey Area of Social Interactions (A Launch Point)
The in-between is the grey area of social interactions.
Things that break cultural and social norm.
In order to be successful in cold approach pickup - in meeting and connecting with women - in escalating interactions socially, emotionally and sexually - one must learn to thrive within the in-between.
It’s a tricky thing in that, in order to thrive within the in- between, you’re playing on a line.
The in-between has a spectrum.
At one, optimal end of the spectrum, there’s an achievement of high-level, social, emotional, sexual and spiritual connection with women - and also social, emotional and spiritual connection with other people, in general social circumstances.
If you can learn how to operate and thrive on this optimal end - breaking through fears of social judgement and negatively altering your reputation - you can meet women on a highly consistent level - forging connections at a level that most men do not know how to reach.
You can have a thriving sex life - feeling more fulfilled due to your scope of access to true human connection (via your ability to engage people and convey the strengths of your personality and personal skills [which by the way causes attraction and interest from the party that you engage] and so, you convey these strengths more efficiently and effortlessly, ultimately forging a connection) -
Indeed, your scope of access to true human connection comes by sharing who you are through approach, engagement, escalation and openness, and tapping into a synchronizing energy between the two of you, and operating within that - and simultaneously allowing her to feel comfortable in sharing who she is, through receiving and being open to: engagement and escalation; and receiving your openness so that she can also be open.
Moreover, this transfers over to social groups and men too [platonically speaking]- in which you can openly engage them and share who you are, allowing them to open up, learn about you and feel comfortable sharing who they are with you in turn - leading to a possible friendship or alliance.
While many go through the process of meeting women and friends through social convenience and the luck of happenstance - you, playing the “in-between”, meet people on your own initiative, and have the skills to rapidly develop conversation, familiarity and relationship (transient or long-term), in a benevolent, honest and calibrated way.
Moreover, eventually, this unusual skill that breaks social norm, can become so refined on your part, optimally speaking, that you normalize it within your social environment - making it so natural for you that social and cultural reality bends to your will, rather than you instead shrinking and folding to the initial expectations around you, which encourage you to keep to yourself and “stay in line”.
Indeed, you do not incur those feared repercussions for your social ambitions, and instead have your social environment, the women or potential friends you meet, comply to or at least entertain your implied suggestion for greater connection, regardless of the social context.
In other words, the better you get at meeting women and connecting with others based on your own initiative of approach, engagement, connection and close - the more normal it will become for you. It will integrate into your personality and body - causing it to feel inside and communicate to others, as natural.
And the more normal and natural it becomes for you - then the more the people you engage, and the passerby's around your interactions, will accept it, acquiesce to it and adapt to the new social reality that you created.
When behaviors are natural for you, they often come from a good place. When you are acting unnaturally, when you’re doing things that feel forced or are escaping your own personality and reach - they either are, or are interpreted as, less benevolent in intention.
Indeed, on the other end of the in-between spectrum there is creepiness, neediness and skeeviness.
When you’re engaging in the in-between - in which, again, you’re breaking social and cultural norms for the sake of proactively forging human connection - there is the ability to do so in a way that is off-putting and highly displeasing - or in other words, creepy.
Instead of transferring positive emotions and bringing fun, interesting, spontaneity to others, you are instead bringing negative, calculating, neediness to others, in which you are implicitly allotting responsibility to the random person you greet, to fill your own personal void of human connection - and in essence your desire to soothe a feeling of desperation that you likely carry within you, to feel better inside.
In other words, unlike how you would feel when operating within the optimal end of the in-between spectrum - when you’re on the creepy, non-optimal end of this spectrum, you do not feel good inside and are instead lonely.
So you engage others and then, instead of taking responsibility to lead the way to a genuine connection - you instead stop them to talk, and then implicitly and sub-communicatively demonstrate an expectation for them to connect with you and make you feel good (even though you approached them!).
You are in essence plotting a way to selfishly force a connection with them, rather than benevolently leading the interaction, and seeking a positive energetic space that you can both inhabit, in which you can both connect to one another and enjoy yourselves - a situation in which the person you’re talking to, and the people around the two of you, can feel the goodness of the energy. Because the social energy is positive, the person you’re engaging and everyone around you, reflexively accepts it.
[Now I wanna add a side note: Positive does not mean “nice.” When a boy is flirting with a girl by teasing her, and the girl likes it - this is also positive. It is not necessarily “nice.” Positive doesn't mean saying all the “right things” - it means having benevolent intentions and potentially manifesting them.
Arousing a girl through interesting conversation, eye contact or sexual escalation is also a positive force - though it is not, traditionally speaking, referred to as quote “nice”. ]
So back to what I was saying - by plotting this connection - where you aren’t looking to finish what you started (meaning you’re not leading the conversation by approach, engagement and then finally connection and close [be it a number close, a date, or sex], and instead just approaching, and then awkwardly engaging and looking for her to connect or close with you) - she and the people around you, in this case, can feel an unnaturalness, uncertainty and/or hesitancy within you and your actions.
If you lead by approaching, the natural behavior would be to continue leading by also kickstarting further social engagement and then connection - but in this case, you instead stop leading after you initially approach.
Since people can feel the unnaturalness and hesitancy of your behavior, the person you are engaging, and the people around you, are likely not to accept it, because something feels inorganic (it feels inorganic because you are communicating that even though you had the balls to approach her, you have no idea what to do next - it implies a lack of experience - it implies you are doing something outside of your wheelhouse). So you
feel negative judgement and resistance from them in some form or another (be it them staring you down or even intervening).
[Another side note: This isn’t to say that you should only be proactive when you are acting or feeling perfectly natural, or that you are always doing something wrong if people around you act resistant or negative towards your social initiative.
There are always going to be fearful, troubled and sometimes judgmental men and women around you that are merely intimidated by your social ambition, and, as crazy as it might sound, simply want to prevent
you from succeeding. Now, their desire to prevent you from success is a blessing in disguise though, as it actually makes you stronger in your ability to pursue your social ambitions, allowing you to overcome resistance - both personal doubt and external impediments.
Again though, sometimes people are indeed going to act resistant towards you because you are acting so unnaturally - and people resist and become suspicious of unnatural social behavior (moreover, they accept natural and honest social behavior).
If you are going to improve and elevate to a new social level, in which you are in a better mood and bring more skill and knowhow into an interaction, and therefore bring more value to your social and intimate actions - then you are going to have to go through the process of improving and looking unnatural in front of others - thereby receiving resistance and negativity while you go through this process and improve.]
Now sometimes, the reason you are so off-putting isn’t directly related to a deep-seeded emotional issue that causes creepiness (though this certainly can be the case) - rather, the reason can also be inexperience - which causes you to hesitate (though it is often true that lack of experience in the social and sexual in-between can be argued as an emotional impediment in itself, I won’t delve into that directly).
This idea of your off-putting behavior not quite being an emotional issue, but rather an issue of inexperience - brings me to my next point - and that is:
Hesitation is a pillar of creepiness.
Whether or not you are actually creepy, people interpret social hesitation as a form of creepiness and therefore stay away from socially hesitant individuals.
Great socializers do not hesitate when they are communicating.
If they do hesitate, it’s a different kind of hesitation. It’s a hesitation that is consistent with their personality - it doesn’t look like they are retracting into a different personality.
Better put, if a great socializer hesitates, he is not thinking of “how to act” - rather, he is thinking of how to better convey who he truly is, and how he truly feels in that moment, to the person he’s talking to.
He does not look like he is executing an agenda - he looks like he is trying to express himself. This is the key difference in natural versus unnatural hesitation.
But generally speaking, great socializers are flowing, present and decisive. Even merely healthy, though perhaps not great socializers, are flowing and present.
This is because when one is a great, or just healthy socializer, his intent for socializing is to have fun, positively and benevolently express himself, and experience enjoyable emotions with others - and so there is a total lack of an agenda; there is no linear, self-serving plan. It is more spontaneous, emotional, honest and fun. It doesn’t require him to think, and therefore sub-communicate that he is thinking of how to act in order to gain what he wants.
He is instead simply feeling, expressing, acting and deciding.
Thinking of how to act in a moment that requires a lack of an agenda (socializing being a major kind of moment), is interpreted as creepy - because it sub-communicates that specific, unnatural kind of hesitation I mentioned, and also an ulterior agenda beyond mutual enjoyment.
Now, obviously, as a guy - you paradoxically, need to lead and close - the girl simply will not do this (unless she is a more masculine woman, though this is much more rare, and also less preferable for me personally - I prefer women with more feminine energy - and my guess is that if you’re enjoying my content, you’re seeking a woman with more feminine energy on some level as well); and so because she will not lead and close, you must lead and close for the benefit of you and the woman.
Without a doubt, given that the intent is for intimacy, there is an inherent latent agenda within your male-female interactions. However, you must, in a sense, not buy into your own agenda. Or, better put, your positive and fun emotional state must be the driving force in the interaction, not your desire to lead and close (even though this is part of your intent).
Furthermore, this advice must not be a rule that you follow, but rather a state that you work to embody. This fun, positive state must take over as a truly natural vibe you give off and share, while you still guide the date to the close.
[Side note: If you approach a girl with the intent of greater intimacy, and engage her with this intent, but do not make moves as the interaction continues - meaning: take action, escalate and finally close when it’s money time - you can bet you she will be disappointed in the interaction, and feel weird inside upon reflecting on it.
Women don’t like to feel like sluts (not that they are if they’re with you, but if you bring them to a point where they are entertaining you sexually, but then you do not close it, or if you leave the escalated interaction in an awkward place, or leave it hanging - they will feel like they were slutty for some reason - and they want to avoid that feeling - regardless if it’s validity).
They don’t like to feel like they were being promiscuous.
This is just innate, female psychology - that likely spurs from our evolutionary process.
This is why they prefer the man to lead - so he can take responsibility for what happened.
So if something suggests to them that they might have done something that implies they are promiscuous to their own psyches, or even communicates this to their friends - they will likely backwards rationalize that they were not actually interested in the man that they entertained as an option.
In other words, if a woman feels like she entertained sexual escalation with a man that turned out to be ill-equipped to make the escalation happen, or if he wasn’t who she thought he was - she might cut him off or distance herself in closeness from him, both internally in her mind, and externally - by communicating there was no connection between her and the man, to her friends - in order to get rid of any emotional dissonance she might feel over the matter.]
So - your positive, fun state needs to be real and your closing also needs to be real. If it’s real - the girl will buy into you more.
What is a real close?
The close needs to come from your balls - your desire for her. But it also needs to be fun, positive, and calm - as opposed to calculating, unnatural in action and body movement, and overly excited.
The need to be natural and not ridden with agenda is why it’s important to go through social repetition and gain loads of experience in approaching, socializing, connecting and closing with women, and relating to others in general.
Having experience in these areas allows you to know, on a much higher level, what to do in many given moments, allowing you to act on second nature (this second nature engenders from past failures and successes - you begin to instinctively know what’s the right move and wrong move in a given situation because you’ve done the right and wrong things, and so have learned and then internalized more polished behavior.
It’s like a naive quarterback learning that it’s a bad idea to try and run over a linebacker while he’s scrambling. Once he gets hit hard enough, he’ll instinctively go the other way or just slide next time around - it’s automatic - it’s now instinctive and second nature to take a learned action).
Watch Quarterback Matt Stafford, scramble, then run over one defender successfully, then get a little too confident, and attempt to run over a second one, but unfortunately get blasted.
He learned from this, internalized what happened, and then reflexively avoided contact from there on out - choosing to get down or slide instead.
Indeed, you have internalized it and so, rather than thinking or guessing what the best move is, you just act.
Thinking and guessing is communicated to the girl through your eye movements, facial expressions, voice and body language - which she then interprets as calculation and/or hesitation, and therefore, creepiness.
Social repetition in intimate interactions, and also normal interactions allows you to understand pickups, intimate interactions and normal interactions on a much deeper level - this deeper understanding allows you to make better and better decisions in social moments.
The more repetition you go through, and therefore the more you internalize correct behaviors into second nature, you no longer have to pay attention or think about those past social and intimate conundrums you once faced - they have been solved. You now know what to do in those moments should they come up. You instead begin to encounter new conundrums that you do not understand - until you master them as well.
You continue to do this over and over, and thus become extremely socially advanced over time - and at an expedited period of time at that.
In other words, each detail you master becomes second nature. And once you master a given detail, you can move on to a new detail - allowing yourself to move deeper and deeper into understanding social phenomena, and successfully executing social actions that operate within a deeper understanding of “social reality”.