The Second Pillar of Creepiness — Viewing Others as Sexual Adversaries (Part I)

In my podcast episode “The In-Between - The Grey Area of Social Interactions”, I spoke on what I called a “pillar” of creepiness — hesitation. In that the behavior of hesitation, is usually socially interpreted as creepiness by others - and even more so when it involves tenors of intimacy with others. 

Another pillar of creepiness that I want to touch on is viewing others as sexual adversaries.

Viewing others as sexual adversaries basically means viewing others as intense competition for meeting the other sex or increasing your status - this obviously has direct correlation to how you relate to other men, and, as an extension how you relate to women.

And if you view others as sexual adversaries on a dramatic level - then you start to become creepy. 

You start to zero-in on the girls you desire as if they don’t belong to you - as if you can’t meet and connect with them. As if they belong to someone else and you wish you had them. 

Because if you view others as sexual adversaries, it means that on some level, you’re on the-outside-looking-in, when it comes to women. 

You feel and act like others are preventing you from meeting women. 

You feel like you can’t just get women by being yourself and being effortless (effortless meaning not trying to be someone else) — and also free to act within your environment.  You instead think you have to finagle your way or somehow trick the girl.

And so this brings me to a side note about those who negatively judge men for trying to pick up girls, or practice meeting girls, or more accurately, negatively judge this phenomenon called “The Game”

People who don’t know about practicing meeting women, which in the mainstream is kind of called “the game” often interpret “game” as manipulative. 

But, what “Game” actually is - is figuring out how to harmonize with women in a non-plutonic manner - and facilitate an intimately, mutually enjoyable experience and close - close, meaning, facilitating enough comfort and intrigue for a moment of mutually desired sex and connection.  

And, rather than being bad at that, you’re good at it - you’re good at facilitating engagement and connection, you’re good at leading and closing the interaction. And girls want this from the man. They want him to be good at these things.   

Because, girls do not want to do these things themselves.

In general, they don’t want to make the decisions for the man, or themselves, when it comes to a male-female relationship (transient or long-term). They want the male to make the decisions. They want him to know what he wants, and then show that, and effectively execute, or facilitate this through skillful action (grounded, skillful action turns them on, unskillful action usually turns them off). They want to take on the role of the feminine, and they want the man to take on the role of the masculine - where he is decisive, leading and closing on behalf of the two of them (or even more than two). 

So, a guy who cannot facilitate this but still wants the girl and makes some vague attempt at meeting her (staring at her without decision as to why he is staring at her, smiling at her without a decision on his intent) - a guy who cannot approach, engage, establish a connection and close — he’ll come off as creepy. And the reason he comes off as creepy is that he doesn’t know how to relate to his environment socially - he doesn’t know how to relate to men socially, he doesn’t know how to relate to women socially, he doesn’t understand himself, he doesn’t understand - sexuality. 

This lacking of knowledge and skill can lead to a variety of collateral behaviors - 

Which I’ll get to, in part 2