How do you Manage a Group when Approaching Girls within a Group?


You want to focus on what you want - the girl or girls that you want within the group - while communicating with the group. 

The girl(s) you desire needs to feel that you want her, throughout all the additional ongoings of group-conversation and getting to know the group. 

You are friendly in vibe, but your vibe is still sexual. People can feel that you can execute and pounce, but that you are friendly and fun - and want to execute and pounce because you feel you can provide a great experience to the girl(s). 

They can sense you have good intentions, even though you want to fuck their friend(s). 

If the group or girl(s) you want within the group senses you are too hesitant in going for what you want and escalating the interaction by guiding it to a greater likelihood of you getting what you want (i.e. they sense that you won't make it happen, that you're playing too nice) - then the group or girl(s) you desire will reject you.

It's a game, a fine line (which simplifies the better you get with your game and developing yourself). But if they feel that you aren't the type of guy that goes for what he wants, while being able to handle, communicate and get to know the rest of the group - they will determine that you are lacking in a certain area that is felt, though not fully grasped on the explicit level. 


[Note: The degree to which you need to "handle, communicate, and get to know the rest of group" varies - sometimes they are cooler with explicit directness, sometimes they prefer greater inclusiveness of the group - to varying degrees - it's all on a spectrum]


Say you're living in your friend's parent's basement since you just lost your job, and your diet sucks, and you have no friends besides him - then you step to the group, and engage the girl(s) you want within the group with good and appropriate technical skills (such as me telling you what to do here and you executing it well) - but then you have lapses in being natural when doing it, and the fact that you're executing a technical skill, and you are not truly embodying what you're putting out, comes out or exposes itself. People in the group can then feel that something is off - that it's not really you who is this confident guy that is going for what he wants. They might not know what it is exactly (dramatic misbalance of technical skill over inner-development) - but they feel you're not the guy you purport to be by them witnessing this misbalance. In other words, there is an incongruence in your actions, thoughts, words, emotions. A misalignment. [Source for congruence: RSD].

It's similar to when you are approaching a girl confidently and then, when there is silence, or a pause in the flow you set, you all the sudden break - you start behaving differently than before, and there is a misalignment in your presentation - an incongruence. The girl feels this. She might not know that it's because of X Y or Z in your life - but she just knows something is off. 

You executed a technical skill, but your your inner sense of self did not match the strength of your technical skill (stopping her and getting her to talk is the technical skill in that situation).

So technically speaking - you have to approach the girl and the group, make your main focus the girl(s) you desire within the group, make it so the girl(s) feels this, and the group feels this.

However, the girl(s) you desire and group need to feel this in different ways.

The girl(s) you want needs to feel much greater intensity towards her, and the group needs to feel you can balance this intensity with the vibe of the rest of the group. In other words, can you go for what you want, and appropriately weave your personality into the current vibrational composition of the group's current dynamics.

Depending on the situation, it can be acceptable that you're more obvious to the group in going for the girl, being very direct and not engaging in small talk - or it can be a situation where you have to "play the game" a little more because small talk is often how people determine your vibe. Small talk allows people to gauge who you are. This is because you are communicating with the group on the emotional level, not the intellectual level - and therefore, small talk (which in many ways is vibrational, emotional talk), allows them to see how well you have your shit together, how emotionally strong you are (confident) when communicating with them as it relates to your interactive intent (going for the girls(s) you want in a group). They can see if there is an alignment or misalignment in your actions, thoughts, words, emotions (congruence vs incongruence). 

As the group warms up to you, you have to keep increasing intimacy, conversation and your "energy-focus" spent with and on the the girl(s) you want within the group (also known as escalation). If these things wane, the girl(s) you want within the group, or the group, will often lose interest in you because you are teetering out in pursuing your goal, and therefore giving off too much of a wandering-man vibe (a vibe or feel of a man that is not focused and lacks goals, showcasing in his behaviors and vocal tonality). 


[Note: If your goal shifts while engaging the group, and you transition from the girl(s) you want within the group, to a new "desired target" (a different interest in making friends with everyone, or a different girl or girls within the group) your vibe will still be strong, and you will not embody that "wandering-man vibe".] 



If a salesman was trying to sell you a computer, and the vibe of the conversation got further and further away from the intensity of his goal, and his attempt to generate intrigue within the exchange kept waning (in other words he started behaving in a way where the conversation got deescalated, where he started saying increasingly polite things to you so he didn't feel uncomfortable that he was trying to convince you to make a purchase), you would likely lose interest in buying from the salesman because his energy is now too dispersed and not concentrated, and his lack of confidence in escalating the interaction to the point of sale caused you to lose faith in him and therefore the product he wanted to convince you was of value. 

Second Analogy to Expound: 

You need the oven to keep heating up the pie that's inside at an increasing rate (pie being the girl[s] you desire within the group), rather than turning the dial up and down because you're not sure if it's a good idea to keep making it warmer (the pie will inevitably suck if you do that) - but you don't want to position everyone else in the house (the group) directly next to the oven while it's heating. You don't want everyone to feel the heat that the pie is feeling.


Note: [This doesn't mean that you don't have to benevolently fall back in escalation or "increasing oven-heating" if you feel that you're intent is adversarial to the desired target or group. Sometimes you do, and then you have to reengage the heating from a different angle, at a different time, or in a different rhythm.]


The group can know it's cooking. Sometimes they can know very well that it's cooking. Though sometimes you need to put them in the living room while you're in the kitchen. It's situational. 

And when the moment is right, when you feel the oven is the right temperature - you go for the escalation (physical or emotional - hand around the waste, more intense stare, more fun and laughing, go with the group to a bar, further meshing with them) or close (bring her home, take her to a bar then and there [where she departs from her group], ask for her number). 

Depending on which and what kind of moment it is, you either taste the pie, or take it out of the oven and eat it.