I had an unusual path in life - despite graduating from an Ivy League school (I took a strange route to get there - transferred from Community College), I was a bad student growing up, and got swept up in the whims of being young, having fun - but also the collateral actions of misguided people around me.
People always liked me, and I was always socially popular, but I had a difficult childhood growing up, with negative players in my life - causing me, I retrospectively observed, to viscerally avoid intimacy, and thus reflexively shut out the people who wanted my company.
Needless to say, this unconscious behavior caused me a lot of pain in my life - and continued into my mid-twenties.
While I had some intimate connections - I was living a very stifled existence - frequently turning down connection, and avoiding social settings where I could thrive.
However, the older I got, and the more frustrated I became, the more I incrementally gained awareness of my self-destructive, unconscious behaviors with intimate and general connection.
While I was always aware of these behaviors on some level, they began surfacing on a more painful and recognizable level.
It was to the point where I was pragmatically asking myself, “Why is this happening?”, “What can I do about it?”
Still though, I was at a point where I was assuming my time would come. I remember talking to my brother about my “drought” - and us agreeing that “this year will be my year.”
The year never came.
It appeared that the deeply ingrained, reflexive behaviors that I had cultivated my entire life, were too much to overcome through normal “coasting”, or going with the flow. It never happened where I simply, inevitably, broke through.
However, despite a new peak in my awareness of my issues, and a knowledge that nothing was working - I also knew that I didn’t have any blueprint or knowledge on how to break through.
As you may have experienced, the complexities of internal emotions are difficult to navigate when attempting to connect with those whom you want.
And believe it or not, therapy actually adversely affected me in this area - for, in my personal experience, it served as a crutch, where I would discuss my struggles, receive over-sympathetic treatment from my therapist, and in many ways accept my weaknesses rather than take personal responsibility for them, try to improve them and push myself to grow.
It wasn’t until I began to proactively dig for information online about meeting others, self-understanding, and improving one’s habits - and then learned about these concepts from men who had struggled before me and wanted to share their insights - that I began to see "the light”, if you will.
Once I found the right information online, something deep inside, in the secular sense, told me, “this is it.”
I just knew.
I knew, for some reason, that this thread of online information I found about these topics, and the online mentors I was learning from, was the blueprint I needed to dig myself out of my hole, and eventually thrive.
I learned about processes to take in order to gain social success, personal understanding of one’s emotions, and intimately connecting - and then I began to take action.
It soon became clear to me that the only way to change one’s deeply ingrained, counter-productive, or even self-destructive habits and behaviors, was not through coasting, or talking them over in a room with a therapist - but rather to proactively create new, productive and self-promoting habits and behaviors through guided action. In other words, actions guided by a knowledge of the correct processes to take for success in these areas.
I fell in love with the process of improving in these areas (dating, social, and personal development) - and for the last 9 years have fully dedicated myself to it, every day - experiencing a great deal of success in the very areas of struggle I mentioned.
All the sudden, men were coming up to me, noticing my communication skills in forging intimate connections, and asking for help. I began helping them, and those same men then referred me to other men who needed help.
Helping other men grow and thrive in this area that I personally dedicated so much time to, soon became my parallel passion.
During my process of personal improvement, I kind of gained a “sixth sense" for forging intimate connections and improving socially, emotionally and intimately (as one would by focusing in any “field” of study). And so helping other men in these areas also became a very intuitive, successful process for me (as it might any teacher who focused deeply in a field and learned how to teach it).
Helping these men, and hopefully men and women, grow and thrive in the same area I loved to ruminate on, became such a great passion of mine, that I decided I wanted to make a business of it.
I decided I wanted to make a living doing this. Not just because it served me emotionally (doing what I love) - but I determined that the only practical way for me to contribute to others in this area was to make a viable business out of it, because the majority our attention is focused on the area that makes us money and sustains us - and so the only way I could legitimately have the time to do this, would be if I aligned it with my majority of attention.
And that’s why I’m taking the time to write this out now. Because I think I have something to offer, and I want to do everything I can to help others in this area, so that I can continue to do so on an ongoing basis.
I think I bring a lot to the table for you reading this, and others you might know. And, based on my coaching experiences so far, know you would benefit deeply from investing your time and energy in me.
Thanks,
Ramsey
